Here's what I've discovered,
Truly the truest truth I've ever dared to face,
Almost eveything I do,
Almost everything,
Stems from the profound fear that I will never be good enough.

I haven't yet decided if I'd like to change that.

Coincedentally, this song makes me feel better about my new truth.

I'm the Girl Who

always adds an i love you to her goodbyes
has a mature mind and an immature sense of humor
duty haha
still wonders about her 4th grade crush
makes her room a tornado in 2 hours or less
loves the smell of paint, adores the smell of new books
showers by nightlight
puts herself out there and sometimes gets burned
makes mistakes
sings while she cleans
rarely finishes what she starts
stays online for hours
empathizes with fictional characters
must get to the happy ending or feel crappy until she does
procrastinates until the VERY last minute
eats unhealthy amounts of yogurt
dances when she's happy
dances when she's sad
stays up late because sleeping sounds boring
can't wait for long summer days
would rather talk than txt
feels connected to strangers
wants to live a day in the life of someone else--anyone else
talks far too much
has days when she doesn't want to look in the mirror
has days when the mirror is her friend
ditches on the last day of school
has a knack for saying the wrong thing
loves writing
vows never to go on a diet
vows always to act her shoe size
loves with her whole heart
may never fall in love
detests calculus
wishes at 11:11
wishes at 1:11
wishes randomly
will never figure out what to do with her life
loves to swim
loves to skate
likes nightmares
blogs randomly

SAT's and Such

Hi. Found out my SAT score 2day.
Just thought I'd document it.
2090. I'm pleased-ish.

Today was awesome bcuz I realized the San Francisco-SAT-Sand Diego-Rent-Ditch school on Monday weekend rlly was like the best I've ever had.
P.S. I<3 Terasita Pines and hayleyghoover's blog.

English is Love

Why do I connect reading and grammar to love. Because c'mon, those are pretty weird things to connect to love.
But I figured it out.

It started with my dad. He read to me every night. So much and with such enthusiasm that I memorized the stories, yearned to read them for myself. I'd bring anyone in my house of stack of books taller than me if they promised to read me a story. But my dad was the best. He did voices and everything.

Then came my mom with the hooked on phonics. I thought it was a game. I get to learn to read and spend time w/ mom and at the end I win a toy. This was a win-win situation, cuz when ur 3 hooked on phonics is crazy fun.

Then I started reading my dad to sleep. Role reversal. And I would get up really early, before he left for work and he would do hooked on phonics with me.

So I guess for me reading started as love and attention from my parents. Not that I didn't get enough of that all the time lol. Still do. Tooo......much.....attention....lol

Then there was my grandma. She taught me pronouns in her living room. It was my first grammar lesson. So reading became bonding with my grandma.

Then there were teachers. So reading became gratification. It made me special and seperate.

Then there was my sister. Who, at 16, would rather kill herself than spend time with her eight year old sister. But she liked to teach me to read Shakespeare in our garage, and talk about life. So reading was bonding with my sister.

So I figure the reason I love reading, and grammar, and understanding and such is because for a long time it was the bridge between me and the people in my life that were too old to have anything else in common with a little kid. For me, it was being seen by the adults I cared about. Really seen.

Ok and it was about gratification :)

Today was awesome bcuz I was reminded of that.

Peace <3

Sometimes.....

I feel like I'm being trampled
By calculus and bio
And then English picks me up
Dusts me off
And makes it all ok again :)

Things I Like

I'm compiling a list of things I like, because it seems when someone asks me I can never tell them what I like.

1. The colors yellow, pink and purple light up my world.
2. I'm Yours and I'll Follow You Into the Dark are the love songs I love.
3. Musicals are too exciting for words. Take me to one, and I'll love u till death do us part.
4. Sees candy is the greatest :) no contest.
5. Having my hair curly makes me feel fabulous.
6. I luv getting notes from friends.
7. Dancing and singing in public is what it's all about man.
8. Speaking of, heck yea I like the hokey pokey.
9. Books. So many books.
10. California sunshine :)
11. Good grades. Who doesn't like that?
12. Cheesy pick up lines make me smile. :D
13. Horoscopes and fashion magazines r my embarrassing loves.
14. Cakes and cookies and muffins and bagels and all kinds of yumminess.
15. Myspace
16. Stayin' up late.
17. Sleepin til noon.
18. Blog posts that aren't finished yet.

Maybe i'll do a little known facts about me post later.....hmmmm.....

Live Life Brilliantly

Soooo.....I Got Ice Cream.....Wanna Make Out? lol

hw and exercise--not a fun mix but all is well :)

Sometimes I'm so complicated I don't even understand me. Or I can't even explain me, but getting on my good side is simple. All u gotta do is gimme baked goods and call me pretty.

Yay I got my braces off 2day. How cooool. Now I get a pink sparkly retainer.

O and i bought purple heels. They make my world go round :P

'Tis time for more hw and such.